I'm Here
by Shadows On A Love-Struck Soul
Summary: Arthur is ill and injured. He needs to be carried home and on the way Merlin confesses his love for him. It sounds dull but the trusty friends went "aw" so it can't be that bad. Thanks to Harknessgirl for my first review of my first fanfic!
1. Less Than Good Terms

Arthur had gone out hunting; Merlin had been left behind. They had said goodbye in the stables that morning, before the sun had risen above the hills. 'Why can't I come with you?' Merlin had asked between kisses. 'You're going on your own; we would have so much more fun together.'

'I know,' Arthur agreed into Merlin's throat 'but I'm not just going hunting, I'm going to think,'

'Can't you think with me with you, or better yet, here in the city?'

'No. I'm going to think everything over, you know we can't keep this up for much longer, Gwen and Morgana are already suspicious and we could do without being found out by people within the castle itself, much too risky. Much too dangerous,'

'I like a bit of danger, I like a bit of risk, why else would I be kissing the Price of Camelot in a stable?' Merlin asked.

'True but I'd rather you didn't risk your neck, it's too perfect for the chopping block,'

Merlin laughed,

'Besides, I have already claimed it,' This was true, Merlin's throat was covered in red marks from Arthur's lips, he hadn't removed his scarf in public for days. 'If I'm not back by nightfall,' Said Arthur, suddenly business-like 'you have permission to come looking for me. **Only **you. I don't want that git _Lancelot_ coming with you. Especially since he doesn't seem to grasp that you are taken' Arthur's tone grew cold towards the end.

'Please,' Merlin begged 'not this again. I did it because I owed him my life, I was going to get him to join the knights but he didn't want that. He said there was only one way to repay him. The debt is repaid and I am free'

'You still did it,' said Arthur, moving away, 'you broke that bond between us. Every time we touch-'

'I get this feeling,' Merlin sang in a whisper.

'Shut up. Every time we touch I get this feeling that I wasn't the first there but you were the first to touch me, that doesn't seem fair,'

'Arthur, I kissed you first, I have only ever kissed you willingly, I have kissed Lancelot once, just once, and I was not happy about it, I've only ever been happy with you,'

'That doesn't make a difference, I trusted you, and you broke that trust for _him_ the _one _man in Camelot that I cannot stand. The one man that has not sworn me loyalty,'

'But-'

'No.' Arthur had got so angry, angrier than the situation warranted. Angrier than he had ever been because he had imagined what Merlin and Lancelot had got up to behind closed doors, imagined Merlin slipping out of his, Arthur's, chambers every night and climbing into another bed, with another man. Imagined Merlin laughing at how innocent and naïve he was behind his back. When he spoke, his words cut Merlin like a knife between the ribs. 'I thought you loved me, I thought _we _were special.'

'I do love you-' Merlin protested, with tears in his eyes.

'No you don't!' Arthur spat. Merlin reached forward to take Arthur's hand again but; 'I don't want to hear it Merlin, you have done enough. I don't want to see you,' He started to laugh 'You wouldn't care if you never saw me again, you wouldn't care if I died tomorrow'

Arthur turned and left. Merlin stayed there, his face creased in anguish. What had just happened? How had that happened? What had he done wrong?

The day dragged for Merlin, he paced the halls of the castle, getting in everybody's way and being shouted at. He sighed at the thought of Arthur out in the forest on his own, what was he doing? What was he thinking? Why was he taking so long to return? Didn't he know how Merlin pined for him? Didn't he understand that Merlin was no longer alive when he couldn't see the perfectly chiselled features of his face?

-

Arthur had spent the day lost deep in thought. He could hardly see the trees, branches and roots through which he was walking. He could only see Merlin's face before him. He couldn't imagine a world without his servant now. He knew that he had been unfair to Merlin, he just needed to let out all the frustration and Merlin happened to be in the firing zone. He knew he was going to get back with Merlin, he couldn't live without him. But if they got back together and then got found out…Merlin would die. Letting Merlin die was…unthinkable. They couldn't keep this façade of servant/master up for much longer; they were in sight of people everywhere. Arthur was continually followed by Morgana, Uther or some of his guards; Merlin was being constantly pursued by Gaius for something he had done wrong. Arthur couldn't summon Merlin to his chambers every night and not make it suspicious; besides, the red marks on Merlin's neck were spreading to his hands and face where they couldn't be hidden.

He thrashed through the undergrowth, now thoroughly annoyed with himself for forcing himself to think about it all. Arthur was paying so little attention to where he was going that he pulled back a branch and came face to face with the griffin that had terrorised every town and village in miles. The same griffin that had attacked Merlin. Arthur could see the shredded remains of a deer the beast had obviously just been eating. Blood dripped from its beak like water from a tap. The beast reared on its back legs and began to charge towards the Prince.


	2. Lying in the Twilight

turned and ran, he didn't know why, while he was running there were several things racing through his mind at that point; one after the other. _What does it matter? Merlin is all that matters and he doesn't care if I live or die. Merlin. Merlin, what will happen to him? I didn't even say goodbye. No. No. He doesn't love me, he is Lancelot's now. What does it matter? What does anything matter when Merlin doesn't care? _

He arrived in a clearing in the forest; where he stopped and turned to face the griffin which walked sedately through the trees. 'What are you waiting for?' he breathed 'What are you waiting for?' he shouted at the creature. 'Come on, kill me! I'm here, waiting. Take your chance; take my life.' He spread his arms wide, his face twisted in pain before the griffin had even struck. This was his submission, and, with a heart shot to pieces; he gave up on his life, it was wretched wothout Merlin by his side anyway.

-

Merlin had spent the entire day going over and over the things that had been said that morning, he wondered if Arthur would still want Merlin to come and find him after their row. As darkness fell like a blanket over the city, Merlin paced the corridors, glancing out of every window, waiting…waiting…why didn't Arthur return?

Merlin couldn't take it anymore, something inside him knew Arthur was hurt; he ran down to the stables in the dusk, just in time to see Morgana alighting from her horse.

'Merlin?' She asked as he sped past her and took a flying leap onto the back of the white horse.

'I'm sorry,' he called back to her, 'I'll bring him back,'

Merlin didn't need to guess where Arthur was, he could tell, his heart pounded in his chest, directing him left and right through the forest. Let him be alright. Please let him be alright. Please let Merlin's instinct be wrong. Please. Merlin could see the clearing ahead of him and his heart rose up into his mouth. Merlin dismounted and left the horse a few feet away.

He ran towards Arthur, unable to speak; Arthur wasn't conscious, but he was unaware that Merlin was there. Merlin was right in his eye line but Arthur couldn't see him. His breath came in short, shuddering, trembling gasps in and out; his top teeth clenched his bottom lip involuntarily. He was lying in the twilight; there was a severe gash running from his temple down to the bottom of his throat. Merlin froze a step away, horrified at the sight. Blood had dried on Arthur's face and neck; it pooled a little on the ground beneath him. Arthur put one of his hands through his hair, his fingers splayed, trying to get the hair off his forehead, which was drenched in cold sweat. When he took his hand away, the blond locks were spattered with blood.

Merlin knelt down next to his love; cradling his head in his lap. 'Sshh, sshh Arthur, I'm here, I'm here.' He whispered as he planted a light kiss on the Prince's forehead. He didn't care about the blood or the sweat. Merlin stroked his hair and gently rocked him back and forth; repeating the words; 'I'm here. I love you. You're going to be alright.' like it was a spell.

Once night had fully fallen and the air became sharp and cold; Merlin began to think straight. He looked down at Arthur, still shuddering in his arms and began to think a little like Gaius. The shaking, the cold sweat… Arthur had to get warm. He wasn't going to get warm in a shirt soaked in cold sweat and cold blood.

Merlin gently laid Arthur's head back down on the ground and pulled off his jacket and shirt. Hanging it on a branch, Merlin proceeded to gently pull the cold, wet shirt from Arthur's body. He eased the warm, dry shirt over Arthur's head and gently pulled his arms through the sleeves, it was a little small for the muscled knight but it was the best Merlin could do. Then Merlin put on Arthur's shirt, it felt loose and baggy, but it smelled of Arthur and Merlin revelled in the scent before sitting down next to Arthur and leaning against a rock. He pulled Arthur's torso onto his lap and cradled his head like a baby. Finally, Merlin laid his jacket over Arthur, in an attempt to keep him warm, He kissed the sodden, blood soaked hair one more time before drifting off to sleep to the sound of Arthur's shaking, shuddering breaths.


	3. Confessions

When the sun rose above the trees filtering through the leaves with green light, Merlin opened his eyes. Arthur didn't. Merlin stared at him for a moment; his breathing was better, smooth, normal, quiet. He looked peaceful and tranquil. Merlin stroked his hair and kissed his cheek; 'Good morning sunshine,' he whispered before standing up and trying to carry the Prince. He stumbled and nearly dropped him.

Arthur was heavy; it wasn't surprising considering the size of him. Merlin Looked at the peaceful face in his arms, gritted his teeth and put one foot in front of the other (the horse had gone in the night). Merlin walked slowly and steadily through the trees. 'You know,' Merlin said to the unconscious Arthur. 'I only betrayed you with Lancelot because he said otherwise he was going to kiss you. I couldn't have had that. You mean too much to me to be shared with anyone. And I'll tell you something else; when I first met you, I thought you were an arrogant arse, but you're not,' Merlin shook his head and laughed but didn't take his eyes off Arthur's face. 'You're wonderful, you're beautiful and you're brave. And I'll tell you a secret, I don't just love you, I think I'm in love with you. And that scares me so much, but it feels magnificent. And I wish you could feel the same way about me.'

Merlin was still walking the entire time, 'And I wish I could tell you everything about me but, I'm scared. I know you love me now, but if you knew everything, it would be different. You would have me killed, you would kill me yourself, and I have to live with that.

'You have been brought up in a world where you are taught to hate everything that I am. I am everything you and your father hate, but I love you and I have to hope…I have to hope that, that one day you can know everything about me and accept me for who I am. I am your lover, your ally, your friend and I never want to be anything else. But that's not my decision to make. Just know that I love you, and I would do anything for you,'

Merlin didn't notice Arthur's mouth tweak at the side.


	4. End of One Thing, Start of Another

Hours later, when Merlin finally reached the gates of the city, he couldn't feel his arms, he had no idea how he managed to carry Arthur all that way. Once inside the city, Lancelot came running up to him in shock. He tried to take Arthur away but Merlin clung on. 'No! No,' Lancelot walked next to Merlin on his way to Gaius' chambers, Every now and then Lancelot would surreptitiously stroke Merlin's arm. Merlin twitched away from him. On reaching Gaius' chambers Merlin gently laid Arthur down on the table and collapsed into a chair. Lancelot stood behind him, hands on his tense shoulders.

'There, there,' Come with me, take that shirt off' Merlin frowned into the floor. 'Come to think of it, you can take more of that off if you want,' Lancelot purred. Merlin stood up and took Lancelot's hand,

'Close your eyes, we'll go to my room' Merlin whispered into Lancelot's neck. Lancelot did so; Merlin led him by the hand over to the door leading to the corridor outside and pushed Lancelot through it before shouting 'Don't you ever come near me again!' and slamming the door. He hurried over to a chair and propped it up behind the door, securing the handle so it would not turn.

Merlin hurried back to Arthur's side and took his hand. Gaius came bustling over from the corner he had been in through the encounter with Lancelot. He began to look over Arthur's cuts and bruises. He mopped some of the cold sweat from Arthur's face.

-

Three weeks later; when Arthur got out of bed for the first time, Merlin was sat on a stool in the corner, watching him stumble around the room, he was still very weak. Arthur turned to Merlin and reached for him like a child. Merlin went straight to Arthur's side, Arthur took his arms and held them around himself.

'I'm so cold,' he muttered, burrowing his face into Merlin's shoulder in an attempt to keep warm. 'Warm me up, please Merlin,'

Merlin looked at him, confused, and Arthur looked back with eyes that smouldered; he nodded once and snaked his hands up Merlin's shirt. The hands were cold and the chest was hot. They walked as one over to the bed Arthur had only recently left. Moans and sharp, hard breaths were smothered by pillows as they fell onto the bed, Arthur's tongue slipped into Merlin's mouth as they collapsed onto the bed.

They lay side by side, Arthur was asleep and Merlin was not. Merlin could tell that Arthur was having a nightmare, his face was screwed up and his hand was pressed over his eyes. Merlin wrapped Arthur's other arm around himself in an attempt to provide some comfort to the man. 'Merlin? M-m-merlin?' Arthur asked in his sleep.

'I'm here,' he whispered, contentedly, 'Sshh, I'm here, I'll always be here.' Merlin breathed before laying his head on Arthur's warm, living chest and closing his eyes; conent at last.


End file.
